Wired for Intimacy (From Challies.com)

Tim Challies is a book review machine. Given the topics I have been covering from the RBC pulpit, I thought Challies' latest book review was worth sharing. Even if you don't read Wired for Intimacy by William Struthers, Challies' review is educational and convicting in itself.

Here is the link to the original post: http://www.challies.com/archives/book-reviews/wired-for-intimacy.php

Here is an excerpt from the post. I highlighted one line in particular that caught my attention:

I read recently of a researcher who wanted to study the effects of pornography on young adult males. He carefully built the structure for the study, determining how he would compare young men who had experienced pornography with a control group comprised of those who had never come into contact it. Tragically this researcher had to cancel his study. He found that he was unable to put together a control group; he could not find young men who had not discovered pornography. The experiment was impossible to conduct.

Read the rest of the article at http://www.challies.com/archives/book-reviews/wired-for-intimacy.php

Firestarters (sermon audio: Sunday a.m.)

God created marriage to be enjoyed through physical intimacy. Throughout the Bible, God uses it as a metaphor to teach us about being faithful and bringing glory to Him. Without it, our relationships are at risk. However, as with anything worth having, it takes some work. Men must pursue their wives and study them. This builds communication, trust, and emotional intimacy. For women, Song of Solomon shows us that they should be available and anticipate this time with their husbands, not begrudge it. We can learn from the wisest man to ever live how to have an incredible love story of our very own that is also a testimony to others and glorifying to God.

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Forgiving Tiger

The Tiger Woods press conference last week only served to reiterate two things. 1) From the moment Tiger hit the tree, the whole thing has been weird. I will admit that I only saw the last three or four minutes of his statement, but it looked weird, sounded weird, and in my mind it was weird. 2) The statement also served to reiterate that for the media and most of America, all Tiger has to do to be forgiven is win. No matter what he says or does from this moment forward if Tiger Woods wins, America will move on.

The sports writers loosely use the term “forgiveness” when describing Tiger’s future. Will America forgive him? The fallacy here is that it actually matters if Tiger finds forgiveness with sports fans. It is also fallacious to believe that forgiveness weighed in the courts of public opinion is the real thing. America may move on and celebrate him if he wins, but celebrating a winner is different than dealing with sin. In this respect the sports writers and most Americans have it dead wrong. Rooting for Tiger is not the same as forgiving Tiger. Being willing to overlook what someone has done because of their accomplishments is not forgiveness. Filing something away in the mental recesses is not the same as forgiveness. To demonstrate the point I ask this question. What if Tiger does not win another golf event? Will he be forgiven or will his transgression then be celebrated in the media as the moment Tiger fell. When I say “celebrated” I do not mean cheered, but rather documented, replayed, analyzed, scrutinized, and exhaustively written about in the media ad nauseam. Forgiveness is not found in low golf scores, athletic accomplishments, and media favor. Forgiveness is another matter entirely.

Tiger needs forgiveness that has nothing to do with golf. He needs forgiveness that involves restoration, reconciliation, and repentance. He needs to be able to walk away from his past and find a more hopeful future that is marked by changed behavior. He needs forgiveness that has nothing to do with a public opinion poll. Tiger may find favor with ESPN again, he may remain a billionaire, he may endorse shaving gel and Buicks again, but if he does not find true forgiveness the tale of his unraveling has only just begun.

Tiger has become for many Americans what most sports icons are to us, a vicarious offering. We have all sinned. The only difference in most of us and Tiger is that our sin just isn’t on film. Yet in Tiger’s experience, most Americans are hopeful that they too can lose self-control and yet retain a fairytale ending; as in, “they lived happily ever after.” Sin doesn’t work this way and neither does forgiveness.

Sin destroys. While forgiveness may heal the man, it may not return him to the luster of his accomplishments. Forgiveness is not simply finding public favor. Forgiveness is about finding a place of repentance. It is the contrition of the soul, the surrender of the will, an altar of mercy. King David’s sin cost him a peaceful throne, but he found forgiveness. Public opinion polls found him wanting the rest of his days, but the fate of his soul he knew quite well (Psalm 51).

If we were honest we would have to admit that the ESPN, public opinion version of forgiveness is way too uncertain. That version of forgiveness is tied to golf. If Tiger wins he will be forgiven. Personally, I want something more. So do you. Our souls need something far more substantial to rest upon than scores. Do not be duped by ESPN’s definition of forgiveness. The stories they broadcast about Tiger and America’s resulting opinion matter not. Tiger doesn’t need the media or America’s cheap, pragmatic, results driven version of forgiveness. True forgiveness is not weighed in the courts of public opinion, but before the throne of Almighty God. The good news is that God has given His Son as a sacrifice for sin. ESPN’s version of forgiveness is public. God’s version of forgiveness is personal. Jesus crucifixion is connected to every illicit affair and lie of Tiger Woods. Jesus’ crucifixion was because of me. Jesus’ crucifixion was because of you. If Tiger doesn’t win, the gospel teaches that he can still be truly forgiven, but only if he seeks it with a God who has given His Son for sinners.

Sin is not about golf. Sin is about God. Forgiveness found in the gospel of Jesus Christ is substantial and has nothing to do with low scores, media hype, or public opinion. In the gospel man’s soul finds sure footing, peace, and rest. You and I, and Tiger need Jesus. Only a relationship with the Son of God, as defined by His gospel, can bring about what our souls really need; reconciliation, restoration, and a version of healing that is not dependent upon scores and public opinion.

New Label: Wise Marriage

I have been made aware by Diane Sollee, director of Smart Marriages, “The Coalition for Marriage, Family, and Couples Education” that I am in violation of her trademark “Smart Marriage.” I apologize for this mistake and I will be changing all posts carrying the label “Smart Marriage” to “Wise Marriage” so as to avoid any legal action. Sorry for the inconvenience.

BB,

Gal. 2:20

Intimate Thieves

Intimacy in marriage must be built and fueled like fire. The Bible teaches that a great deal of the burden for successful marital intimacy lies with the husband. In the Bible’s Song of Solomon, the pursuing man “works” at creating an environment that is suitable for combustion! Growing intimacy is be a natural by-product of healthy marriage.

The Book of Proverbs teaches that there are many things that will rob marriage of intimacy. Those things vary from financial insecurity, to nagging words, to alcohol abuse, to negative or hurtful speech. If these things are prevalent in a marital relationship the level of intimacy will erode. Debt affects sex. If a couple is struggling to make ends meet due to poor financial choices, intimacy will suffer. If a wife is critical of her husband, he will withdraw. It all works together. The Book of Proverbs readily warns men and women to beware of intimate thieves.

Perhaps the greatest of “intimate thieves” is the adulterous woman. Statistics show that over half of men in America and in the church are addicted to pornography. If statistics are taken of men who may not be addicted to pornography, but do sneak a peak, the numbers soar dramatically. Many men, and strangely some women, believe there is nothing wrong with viewing nudity, amongst other things. Some make the case that various forms of pornography can actually serve to enhance sexual intimacy in marriage. The Bible teaches that such thinking is dead wrong.

Pornography and viewing nudity are wrong simply because if it isn’t your husband or your wife, it isn’t yours to view! The Book of Proverbs and Song of Solomon is replete with the possessives “your” and “mine.” Intimacy has the greatest potential to grow in a relationship that is well defined, protected, and committed. Biblically that relationship is covenant marriage.

Outside of viewing something that is not “yours,” why is pornography and sexually suggestive images or movies an intimate thief? These things are intimate thieves because they do not require a man or a woman to work at marriage. It is instant gratification with no pursuit, no compliments, no studying of your spouse, and no sacrifice or sharing of the self. These things are the essence of intimacy. Pornography is gratification without commitment. Interestingly, pornography is intricately linked to homosexuality (and is often a gateway into homosexuality). Think about it. Romance novels that target women are written by women, for women, and feature men that behave according to female expectations and fantasies. It is in essence a man’s body and a woman’s eros. It is the same with pornography geared for men. Pornography for men features women’s bodies behaving according to the male eros.

With these truths uncovered it is easy to see how pornography, the male or female version, robs marriages of intimacy. Proverbs 5:15 uses the metaphor of a cistern to speak of marital intimacy. Within defined and committed boundaries, intimacy grows deep and is life giving. You can partake often and enjoy fully. There is no guilt, but total freedom. If you are seeking sexual gratification outside of marriage, you are not only sinning, but you are allowing a thief to invade your home. Repent of your sin and return to the safety and fidelity of covenant marriage.

Fire Starters

I was a boy scout. I don’t think that the Marine rule applies here as in, “Once a Marine, always a Marine.” Marines never say, “I was a Marine.” They say, “I am a Marine”, and then they speak Latin, “Semper Fi’.” I was a boy scout as in, “Be prepared.” I quit paying my dues about 1986 or ’87. Since then I have also forgotten how to start a fire.

We have a wood burning fireplace in our home. The fireplace has served as a reminder that there is an art to starting a fire. When I was a boy scout I could start a fire with a plastic tent peg and a wet rubber band. Now I don’t think I could start a fire if I had gasoline and a blowtorch. My wife bought a box of 48 “fire starter” sticks. When she starts a fire she uses one stick. When I start a fire, I use a baker’s dozen. I want fire! I am given to believe that if there is enough explosive material, fire will generally follow. My wife strategically stacks wood. She is more interested in taking the time to create a combustible environment.

The key to starting a fire is creating a core of heat that gets hot quickly and has the potential to get even hotter. There must be something combustible to fuel the flame and in a sense, enough airflow, an updraft of oxygen, to fan the flame. If the environment is not conducive to fire, forget about it.

By the time many couples come to me for counsel; the fire is long gone. The number one complaint of men is that there is no more sex. Women complain about various things, lack of trust, communication, attention, etc. Men want fire. Women enjoy the experience of strategically stacking wood.

The Bible’s Song of Solomon is about strategically stacking wood, creating a core of heat, and fanning the flame. It is about a man who takes the time to pursue, admire, and compliment his lover. He builds an environment conducive to fire. In the end, there is flame. The Book of Proverbs is about men and women of character. In the end a man seeks a wise woman and together they enjoy financial security, marital fidelity, and mutual edification. He is complimentary. She does not nag. He devotes his love to one woman. She prepares her bed for him. He praises her. She has no problem giving her love to him. They have fire!

Is there fire in your marriage? Pop culture teaches that the longer you are married it is only natural that there will be less fire. The Bible teaches that the longer you are married, the bigger the fire. Good marriages stack wood in strategic places every day. They continue to add fuel to the fire and they fan it with edifying words. Proverbs 5 teaches that giving oneself to lust is enticing in the beginning, but ends in death. It is the death of marriage, reputation, and character. The alternative is for a man and woman to commit wholeheartedly to one another and their love grows to the point that they become “intoxicated” with one another. Passion in marriage, like fire when it has fuel, will grow and burn. Growing intimacy in marriage is natural. Despite what we have been led to believe by pop culture, it is unnatural to lose passion in marriage. If there is no fire in your marriage, something is dangerously wrong. It is important to pinpoint the things that are quenching your fire, rid your marriage of them, and begin restoring intimacy and passion in your relationship.

Fireproof Marriage (sermon audio: Sunday a.m.)

The wise father in Proverbs is once again giving his son advice, and in chapter 5 he focuses on marriage and intimacy. He begins with a warning about the dangers outside of marriage, mainly the adulterous woman whose path is destruction. However, he also explains the protection of marriage in the joy of sexual intimacy inside that bond. Pornography, television, internet, books, even office relationships often seek to pull our affections away from our spouse, but God has designed sexual intimacy to be enjoyed only inside the marriage. When fulfillment is achieved inside the marriage, we are protecting, even “fireproofing,” our most important relationship.

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What Are the Issues?

This is the final post that seeks to answer the question, “What should preachers preach about sex?” I have sought to establish that preachers certainly need to preach the Biblical message about sex which not only includes forbidding sex outside of marriage, but celebrating sex within marriage. If preachers neglect to preach both messages, they neglect to share the full message of Scripture with their congregations. Furthermore, history has proven that when the church fails to hear the full message of Scripture regarding sex, it distorts the idea of marriage and inevitably creates a loose sexual climate within the church. That being said, the modern church is in dire need to hear the full message of Scripture with regards to sex and marriage.

What are the sexual issues in our churches and culture that need to be addressed from the pulpit? There are many. Just because something is ignored does not mean that it does not exist. Preachers do not usually preach about elephants, but elephants exist. Metaphorically elephants exist in churches. The elephant in the room is a euphemism for something extremely obvious to all, but no one is talking about that certain something. That something is what may be referred to as “the elephant in the room.”

When it comes to sexual sin and dysfunction there is an elephant in the church auditorium. Each week the pews are filled with confused people whose marriages are suffering. The pews are filled with people who are living in sexual sin. Statistics show that just over 50% of men who attend church are addicted to internet pornography. 30% of pastors are addicted to the same. Youth group teenagers are “sexting”; which is taking sexually suggestive and/or nude picture of themselves and sending them as a pix message to another person’s cell phone. Women who attend church are reading romance novels that are laced with erotic themes. Pornography designed for men is built on images. Pornography for women is built on words. Romance novels are to women what Playboy is to men.

Christian families subscribe to cable television packages that include movie channels which readily show pornographic material. I want to make this statement without statistical proof, but I believe I would be hard pressed to be proven untrue. If a family subscribes to these movie packages there is a problem with pornography in the home. At the very least the problem is that pornography is in your home. Most Christian parents would not think of buying Playboy magazines and using them as coffee table pieces. They would consider it shameful and wouldn’t dare take the chance that their children would flip through the pages. So what’s the deal with HBO, Cinemax, and Showtime? How is that any different? If it is there, it is there! It is dangerous and it will be used! If you are foolish enough to subscribe to these channels and not consider them dangerous, may I also suggest to you a pet tiger, or plastic explosives you can use as silly puddy, or a quick game of “sharp knife toss.” “Can a man carry fire next to his chest and his clothes not be burned (Proverbs 6:27)?”

Another strange anomaly taking place in the Christian family is the lack of sexual intimacy. Christian couples are marrying and quickly growing cold. This is due to many factors including stolen intimacy from pornography, failure to communicate, pressures of failing stewardship, and so forth; but one thing that never ceases to surprise me as a pastor who counsels Christian couples is that most couples believe a lack of sex in marriage is normal. It is a sit-com theology that says once you’re married, sex is no fun. I have cited several passages in my posts on these matters, but one does not have to read the Scriptures very far to realize that married couples who are not active with one another sexually are rare. For a married couple to not have sex, Biblically, is weird, strange, and odd. Something is horribly wrong. In 1 Corinthians 7 Paul encourages Christian couples to engage sexually, submitting one’s body to his or her spouse, and refraining for sex only in short, agreed upon seasons. Paul implies that if a couple is not having sex it may give Satan an opportunity to tempt (1 Corinthians 7:5). Again, the Bible teaches it, therefore preachers should preach it. Sex outside of marriage is wrong, but sex inside marriage is to be celebrated and enjoyed.

Preachers are to feed Christ’s sheep and help them walk in Biblical paths. Pastors who cherish this call will not neglect to instruct the church on sexual topics. If he preaches the Word faithfully he will not be lewd and inappropriate. If he preaches the Word it will edify the flock and sanctify marriage. If he preaches the Word it will guide the church in Christ likeness and holiness. Preach the Word, all of it!

The History of the Church on Sexual Issues

The initial question was, “What should preachers preach about sex?” In answering that question I have posed four others. The third one deals with the history of the church on sexual issues. For many the word history is synonymous with boredom. So how can we both save ourselves some time and forgo a tedious recitation of church history, which I do not have time to write nor the lack of decency it would take to torture you with such? We will save ourselves some time by only referring to the high points and going straight for the applications. What is this history of the church when it comes to sexual issues? What has it taught and how have the people of God responded to these teachings?

1. When there is not clear teaching on sex from the church the sexual behaviors of God’s people will be shaped by popular culture. I could also add that when God’s people do not listen to clear teaching from Scripture regarding sex or any other topic for that matter, by default, they behave like unbelievers. Sexual passion and temptation is strong. The body desires for its cravings to be fulfilled. Without restraint the body dictates an ethic of instant gratification. In the Roman empire these cravings for sex shaped popular theology. If you want your garden to grow, sleep with one of the temple prostitutes. If you want to have a child with your wife, you first need to visit the temple and again, have sex with one of the god or goddesses’ designated representatives. Once people found Christ they knew their behaviors were in desperate need of an overhaul, but by default, until they had clear teaching and accountability to that teaching, the ethic was, “when in Rome, do as the Romans do.” The result was a perverted church, full of sexual scandal and immorality. To confront such behavior Paul provided clear teaching and called for accountability. The most notable example is 1 and 2 Corinthians. If you read 1 and 2 Corinthians you will notice that somewhere lost in the mail are some letters written by the Corinthian leaders to Paul. Obviously those letters contained, amongst other things, questions about sexual behavior. As an apostle of the church Paul answered these questions with honest and forthright instruction. For example, read 1 Corinthians 5 or 7.

People are sexual beings. If we are not given clear teaching and accountability from the church on issues of sex, we will be the apprentice of popular culture. Madonna, Lady Gaga, MTV, and almost any primetime television show will teach people about sex. If the church is silent its people will drink the Kool-Aid of pop culture. The church, like the culture, will become loose and filled with immorality. Honestly, I believe we have been Corinthian for quite some time.

2. When there is not biblical teaching on sex from the church the sanctity of marriage will be threatened. Through the years the church has had some not so stellar moments when it comes to marriage. Many of those not so stellar moments come from the medieval period in which the Word of God was held captive by the papacy. During that time a popular teaching was that it was more virtuous to refrain from sex and marriage than it was to partake. For those who just couldn’t give themselves to celibacy, they should marry. Yet even in marriage they should only have sex for reproduction. Sex for pleasures sake, even for married couples, was seen as fleshly and sinful. For an interesting read on the topic consult Part 5 of John Piper and Justin Taylor’s, Sex and the Supremacy of Christ, entitled “History and Sex.” A free online edition of this book is available.

Because sex has been a shy taboo from the pulpit many couples in the modern church know they can have sex after marriage, but have no idea what to do with it. Unfortunately the only sex talk from the pulpit is that sex outside of marriage is bad. If that is our only message then sex within marriage is in danger of also being bad. Couples have questions. What is normal, expected, and pleasurable? If we return to the dark ages and deem that talking about sex from the pulpit is “dirty”, questions go unanswered and perversion is soon to follow. In a strange twist of fate, for many Christian couples, because there is not a biblical decree from the church that sex within marriage is good, sex within marriage can become rare and seen as little more than a reproductive blessing. When sex in marriage is not encouraged the door may be opened for pornography and affair (I Corinthians 7:5). Christian couples are growing apart and as a result their marriages do not serve as life giving parables of Christ and the church (Eph. 5). The message of the church needs to realign with the message of the Bible. Marriage does not just give people permission to have sex; marriage gives couples liberty to enjoy having sex. The church needs to recover the full biblical message that sex outside of marriage is forbidden, but sex, as God designed it within the marriage bond is great and should be enjoyed.

Be A Woman (sermon audio: Sunday a.m.)

Scripture reveals to us a woman who is happy in Proverbs 31. She excels in every area of her life and is efficient in each role. While her model seems daunting and unachievable to the modern American woman, we see that all she does is actually a simple outpouring of her character. Her love for God impacts her home and community in the way she cares and prepares for her family. For this reason, she is praised, appreciated, and respected as every woman desires from those she loves most.

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Tim Tebow Ad

This sounds odd for a pastor to say, but I want to thank the Women’s Media Center, the National Organization for Women, and the Feminist Majority for promoting a decidedly pro-life agenda on Super Bowl Sunday. Their protests against CBS fueled the flames of speculation that Pam and Tim Tebow were to appear in a Focus on the Family ad during the Super Bowl which encouraged women to choose life for their unborn babies instead of abortion. In reality, all the ad really seemed to say was that Tim Tebow loves his mom and that Pam had a difficult pregnancy, almost “losing” him several times. I must say, I love my momma too, but I am afraid to tackle her as Tim appeared to tackle his momma during the spot. I know it was meant for comedic value, but in the end, I was a little confused at what all the hype was about; so much so that I fully expected a follow up ad to appear later on during the game. But that was it. Love your momma. Pam Tebow had a difficult pregnancy. Go to focus on the family’s website for the full story. I must admit I have yet to visit the site, but I am sure the content is very good.

I know that there have already been millions of people go to the website to see the full story, but I would speculate that the visits have less to do with the $2.5 million ad and more to do with the “much ado about nothing” from the leftist abortion and feminist groups. So, thank you Women’s Media Center, NOW, and feminists everywhere for getting the pro life message out there loud and clear this weekend. You certainly did more to clarify Focus on the Family’s message than the producers of their ad did! If they succeeded in their goals, cudos! My advice then would be to threaten pro-life commercials on every network, let the pro-choice lobby protest the possibility, and save the money that would have actually been spent on the ad. Just a thought!

Sensitivity to Audience When Preaching About Sex

In matters of preaching the preacher should try to identify with his audience. I experienced a bit of the chasm that can be created between preacher and audience last summer in Romania. Preaching via an interpreter to another culture basically assures that no one in the congregation will understand any of your jokes or illustrations. Lost in translation, jokes become literal stories and illustrations only serve to illustrate that American customs do not always demonstrate Biblical truth.

So it is when preaching about sex. The sermon can be lost in translation. This can happen in several scenarios:

1. When there are children in the audience. If the preacher does not have the luxury of a separate children’s program or venue during the sermon, he should proceed with caution. There is a reason there has never been a Song of Solomon themed VBS! Perhaps if the preacher feels it is important to cover a sexual topic that may be offensive to parents who are trying to shield their children from certain truths at an undo age, he can plan ahead. Provide a Sunday service, or perhaps even another scheduled meeting, in which there are planned children’s activities.

At the very least, every preacher should plan ahead and alert his congregation to the coming topic and text. This places the responsibility in the hands of the parents. If they choose not to use the planned children’s activity to shelter tender ears; that is their prerogative.

2. When the preacher paints the picture. The Bible is graphic, but it is not pornographic. It does not describe how to have sex nor does it describe the reproductive organs. The Bible concentrates on themes of trust, intimacy, and union rather than on the biological side of sex. Some pastors choose to use language in preaching that “paints the picture.” I do not feel there is any warrant to do so. As I stated in my last post, “In saying what the Bible says about sex plainly, we should note that the Bible does not describe the act of sex, as in how it is done, perhaps as a biology textbook would. Neither is the Bible pornographic. So if the preacher is faithful to preach Scripture he will not be crude or inappropriate from the pulpit. There is no need to elaborate on what the Bible leaves to the imagination. People get the point without the preacher painting the picture.”

3. Going too far, too fast. Every preacher has convictions and a leading from the Holy Spirit as to how his preaching can serve to mature his congregation. I have a conviction that there is so much sexual dysfunction in the church, especially within marriage, because preachers have not said enough. I will state my case on this point once again. The Bible says more about sex than forbidding singles from having it and condemning homosexuality. The Bible has a very positive and celebrative message about sex for married couples. That celebrative side of sex within marriage is not shared often enough from the pulpit. As a preacher of Scripture, I intend to share that message.

At the same time the pastor cannot be so cavalier in his determination to share his convictions that the message is lost in controversy and offense. As a shepherd the pastor’s duty is to lead the sheep. They will eventually learn to feed in other pastures, but they must be led there one step at a time. I would say this principle applies in many matters of preaching. Just because you say something does not mean people have to believe it, love it, or listen to it. Babies slowly develop an appetite; so do congregations. These moorings on what is palatable and unpalatable are often determined by spiritual maturation, local culture, and tradition. Case in point; Mark Driscoll can say some things to his congregation in very liberal Seattle that would cause most preachers to be executed in very conservative Alabama. I am not a fan of pain (I know my culture), but I am a fan of Mark Driscoll.

All in all, I think the key word in this matter is trust. The congregation must grow to trust the preacher, that he can share sermons about sensitive matters in such a way that they can believe him, be edified, and digest the message rather than choke on it. The congregation must grow to trust that the pastor loves their children and respects their marriage. His word is God’s Word, it is good, and they can feed safely week to week.

In turn, the congregation should respond by giving trustworthy preachers liberty to lead and preach. Some things that are not being said from the pulpit need to be said and heard. It is for the good of God’s church and for the good of marriage.

What Does the Bible Say About Sex and How Does the Bible Say It?

The initial question was, “What should preachers preach about sex?” Preachers do preach about sex. The most common themes deal with forbidding sex outside of marriage and condemning homosexual relations. While these are noteworthy themes, they are not the only teachings about sex in Scripture. So I would like to visit the first part of the current question, “What does the Bible say about sex?” With full assurance I can say that the full message of Scripture with regards to sex is not just to condemn adultery, fornication, and homosexuality. There is certainly more.

Most people are surprised to find how many positive statements the Bible makes about sex. The most famous “positive” sex citation in the Bible is Gen. 1:28a, “And God blessed them. And God said to them, ‘Be fruitful and multiply . . .’” There is really no other way to enjoy this part of the blessing without having sex. Sadly western culture has placed a taboo on the large family, seemingly shading married couples who have more than 2 children as being somewhat irresponsible. The American dream has grown to include limitations on family size, but the Bible makes it clear that children are a blessing (Psalm 127:3-5).

The Bible teaches that sex is not just for childbearing, but that it is something to be desired and enjoyed. The Bible celebrates sex within the marriage bond. If I were going to summarize the Bible’s teaching about sex for married couples it would be simple, “Have sex. Have lots of it. Enjoy it.” Here are only a few examples:

Proverbs 5:18-19, “Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, a lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love.”

The entire book of the Song of Solomon has a very erotic tone. Some people try to over spiritualize it and say that it only refers to Christ and the Church. While such elaboration may make for a good sermon, it may rob the text of its original intent. In Song of Solomon 4 and 5 the bride and groom admire one another’s bodies. By chapter 7 their passion grows and by the end of the chapter the image is one of consummation.

Sex within marriage is such a beautiful and celebrated thing that God used the image often to describe His relationship with chosen Israel. Speaking through the prophet Ezekiel the Lord said, “I made you flourish like a plant of the field. And you grew up and became tall and arrived at full adornment. Your breasts were formed, and your hair had grown; yet you were naked and bare. When I passed by you again and saw you, behold, you were at the age for love, and I spread the corner of my garment over you and covered your nakedness; I made my vow to you and entered into a covenant with you, declares the Lord God, and you became mine.” Ezekiel 16:7-8

When it comes to answering the second part of the question with regards to “how” does the Bible say what it says about sex, we would say that it says what it says plainly. God saw Himself as so intimate with Israel that when they sinned against Him He described it as adultery. He would often describe their sin as a man cheating on his wife and sleeping with a prostitute. As a living parable of Israel’s whoredom with other gods, the LORD instructed the prophet Hosea to marry a prostitute. In describing the pain of an unfaithful wife, Hosea would in fact be preaching to Israel about her harlotry before God. The language is often intense: “Plead with your mother, plead— for she is not my wife, and I am not her husband—that she put away her whoring from her face, and her adultery from between her breasts; lest I strip her naked and make her as in the day she was born, and make her like a wilderness, and make her like a parched land, and kill her with thirst. Upon her children also I will have no mercy, because they are children of whoredom. For their mother has played the whore; she who conceived them has acted shamefully. For she said, I will go after my lovers, who give me my bread and my water, my wool and my flax, my oil and my drink.” (Hosea 2:1-5)

In saying what the Bible says about sex plainly, we should note that the Bible does not describe the act of sex, as in how it is done, perhaps as a biology textbook would. Neither is the Bible pornographic. So if the preacher is faithful to preach Scripture he will not be crude or inappropriate from the pulpit. There is no need to elaborate on what the Bible leaves to the imagination. People get the point without the preacher painting the picture.

So should preachers preach the full message of Scripture with regards to sex? I should say so. If preachers are to preach what Paul called, “the whole counsel of God” (Acts 20:27) preachers should preach not just the negatives about sex, but also the positives. Paul certainly did. For instance, he conceded that single people want to have sex and that the desire is strong; so strong that they should seriously consider marriage (1 Corinthians 7:36-38) before remaining single. If a couple is married Paul teaches that they should regularly give themselves to one another (1 Corinthians 7:2-3).

No one can deny, sex is in the Bible; the good, the bad, the ugly, and the beauty of it. Preach it.

So again, should preachers preach the full message of Scripture with regards to sex? I will deal with issues of audience in my next post, but allow me to ask this question. Would you consider reading the Bible through to be a worthy goal for your child or teen? Is it appropriate for a widow, a single woman, a single man, or a married couple to read the entire Bible? Most would say, “YES!” If so, they cannot accomplish the goal without reading everything that the Bible says about sex. In the same way, preachers should preach the Bible and preach it all with liberty!

What Should Preachers Preach About Sex? (Part 1)

The question is not, “Should preachers preach about sex?” Most all preachers preach about sex in some form or fashion. The most common topics covered from the pulpit are forbidding sex before marriage and condemning the sin of homosexuality. If a preacher has ever mentioned either of these two from the pulpit, he has preached about sex. So the question is not “if” to preach but rather “what” or “how much” to preach?

Many traditional church goers are highly uncomfortable with sex talk from the pulpit when it leaves the realm of sex before marriage or the naming of some other sexual sin. It is readily accepted for preachers to forbid sex before marriage, but is he free to encourage couples who are married to have sex and enjoy it? I will ponder this issue with the next few posts. I will cover the topic by asking four questions:

1. What does the Bible say about sex and how does the Bible say it?

2. How should the preacher exercise sensitivity to his audience in preaching?

3. What is the history of the church when it comes to issues of sex?

4. What are the sexual issues in our churches and culture that need to be addressed from the pulpit?