Married Alone

There may be two people standing at the altar in the wedding photo album, but if there were a photo taken that reflected the current state of the marriage; it would show two people standing alone. Two people, alone, how is that possible? An odd and paradoxical thought, it is, but it is also a reality. Many people are married, live together in the same house, but the two exist virtually alone.

God’s design for marriage is for two people to become one. God said that, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him (Genesis 2:18).” A helper? Notice that God did not create man a mate. Dogs mate. Horses mate. By the way, the KJV doesn’t say “mate”, the word is “meet.” Some people practice a more animalistic, loose sex life, but people were not designed to mate, people were designed by God to bind. Dogs and cats can fill the Earth; roaches are pretty close to finishing! People were designed by God to fill it and subdue it. Back to the original question, why does man need a helper? Man needed a helper to do two things, reproduce and subdue (Gen. 1:28). To subdue the Earth means to bring it into subjection. Sin did not curse man to work. Man has always had a job. The job of man is to manage the planet in such a way that reflects the Lordship of its Creator. The curse of sin has made this work exponentially more difficult (3:19), but even though we sinned, we were not fired. We are still on the payroll.

When two people join together for marriage they sign up to subdue. The task is to do what the boss did, move the planet from chaos to form (Gen. 1). Our planet, especially affected by sin, is prone to chaos. It is in desperate need of meaning, form. So we marry, for love, for life, and for work. Two become one, then comes the thorns. If you don’t work at marriage and in marriage you will be subdued by chaos. Whether it be the chaos of finances, raising children, work, family, trauma, stress . . . every area of life has roses but it also has thorns. If we do not work to subdue the chaos, we will be subdued and separated. The two will not become one. The two will become “alone” again. It is not good for man to be alone.

She feels as if she is alone in raising the children. He does not discipline them. He does not clean up the messes children create. He does not take them to all the places kids need to go. “She and he” produced children, but now when it comes to raising them, “she” feels alone. She spends all the money “he” works so hard bring in. She doesn’t understand the pressures “he” feels at work. She doesn’t give him time to “relax.” He feels “alone.” He needs rescue from work. She needs rescue from children. They need each other to do the same thing, but because of the conflicting tension, they are alone.

From this point, you could write the blog. This scenario plays out in every venue of life and it always results in one destination, two people alone. Two people subdued and separated. If this is your story, it is time to go back to work both “at” marriage and “in” marriage. It is time to get back together, back to one, and SUBDUE. If you are married, you should not be alone. You need help – by design.

To be continued . . .


Nick Calcara said…
Thanks for that blog! That really shed some light on some dark areas in my marriage.

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