Shocks and Snakes in the Comedy of Humanity

Strange things happen to humans. Humanity is comedy. I defend my thesis by simply observing not only the strange things humans do, but also the seemingly pointless things that happen to them.

Case in point #1 is static electricity. I understand that the ability to generate energy is a blessing. I understand that God has woven certain laws into the fabric of life that make living amazing. I understand that the physical laws that make generating power for Manhattan possible, also operate in the micro moments of life. For instance, nuclear reactors generate electricity, and so do shoes. I simply wonder why, in the infinite power of God, that the Creator did not allow electricity to be manufactured by the turbine while at the same time taking clothing, the human body, or shampoo off the list. Shampoo? Yes, shampoo!

During the winter months I am electric. I am so electric in the winter that even wood seems to shock me. I experience horrible static cling on my belly. Every shirt I wear reveals my two liter. Static turns every human touch into pain. We bought our daughters a trampoline for Christmas. The trampoline has turned my daughters into lightening bolts. They sucker me into the octagonal safety net of the trampoline under the guise of, “Daddy, will you jump with us?” I fall for it every time. The real game is to bring me into the cage so they can shock me. I know this is a stretch but I believe the phenomenon of UFC began when OSHA got involved in the trampoline. The safety net on a trampoline created an inescapable enclosure of torture. Children who love to torture people on trampolines grow up to be UFC fighters.

Back to shocking shampoo. My electric winter pushed me over the edge one morning in early February. Post workout I took a shower. I picked up a bottle of shampoo and squeezed - very normal. When the shampoo hit my wet hand it sparked - blue light to be exact. It hurt so badly I dropped the bottle. Actually, I didn’t drop it. I think the fling I gave the shampoo was due to the involuntary convulsion of my muscles. A natural reaction to electric shock. Electricity for cities, necessary. Shampoo shock, is that really a necessary fabric of creation?

Case in point #2 is humans who have snakes as pets. I am a pastor/theologian. The devil used a serpent, which is an even scarier theological name for snake, to usher sin into the world. Every year more people die from snake bites than do people from being run over by a lawn mower, accidents from sky diving, bear attacks, or chocking on ice cream, combined. Snakes are evil. I hate snakes. I had rather suck on a razor blade than be near a snake. I had rather be shocked by shampoo than touch a snake. I wish I could shock snakes with shampoo.

I know a girl who owns a snake. She says it is a python. I have seen it, it is a cobra. She brought it to our church. We had a youth conference a couple of weeks ago and she had the cobra in her pocket. After the worship service she pulled the cobra from her pocket and showed it to me. I was shocked. I hid behind a guy who played football for Auburn. Tigers can kill a snake.

If the devil used a snake as the vehicle to bring death to humanity, why do some humans love snakes? People hold grudges against their relatives for things that may range from a bad tie at Christmas to forgetting their birthday. Some people use the word “snake” to describe a cousin. If you have a cousin then you have someone in this world who thinks you are a snake. People hold grudges against their own flesh and blood for years. Why then do not all humans carry a horrible grudge against snakes? We should all be very bitter towards snakes. Snakes are snakes. Their very name describes them. Yet some people own snakes and carry them in their pocket. Humanity is comedy.

I could cite more examples to support my thesis but time and space run short. I could cite people who believe in Sasquatch, aliens, and climate change as examples that humanity is comedy. People who buy yellow trucks is proof that humanity is comedy. Yoga was invented so people could laugh at people. Laughing at people doing yoga is a spiritual experience. Blogging is proof that humanity is comedy. Starbucks in Alabama, rain boots becoming fashionable, and the need for a cell phone to take pictures - all proof that humanity is comedy.


Anonymous said…
I got a good laugh out of your article. Especially your view on the snake in theology.
Brian Branam said…
Hello "Holding a Snake." I read your article about "holding a snake." There is no danger of me violating any of your snake handling laws. I need to write the laws about running from snakes!!!

Gal. 2:20

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