An Open Letter to the Guy or Gal Who Packages Dolls

Dear doll packaging guy,

Did you learn your trade from Houdini? Were you formerly trained by the Department of Homeland Security to restrain terrorists at Guantanamo Bay? Is that how you learned to put Elmo under wraps, by dealing with terrorists? In whatever forum you developed your craft I extend to you kudos because you are the best.

Since the birth of my girls I have continually looked forward to helping the doll of choice escape from your shackles. Following a late night of “assembly required” and an early morning awakening by an excited child nothing makes me want to cuss Santa like unwinding one of your death traps. Must every Sesame Street character be removed from its carton with a Phillips head screwdriver? Is it necessary to bind “Baby May I” with a quarter mile of industrial strength metal ribbon? On the side of the box, please print clearly the tools that will be required to unwrap your victim. “Jaws of life and double A batteries” not included.

Not that I doubt your qualifications, you have more than proven your ability, but I would like to see freeing Cabbage Patch dolls become more challenging in the coming years. May I suggest some sort of trapping mechanisms be included in toy packaging? How about something attached to an incendiary device? I would like to see Christmas morning take on more of a McGyver type feel. Should I cut the black, or the blue wire first? Should I cut the wire before or after I unstrap dollie’s legs from her chamber? One mistake and Christmas ends with a bang. Only an experience of that magnitude could top this year's freeing of my daughter’s doggie that swims in the tub.

Here’s to you doll packaging person. Not even Chris Angel could escape from your contraption.


Dollar General said…
You're just jealous b/c you only got socks...
Anonymous said…
FYI your "Audio sermons from Brian" link is not working.

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